On New Years day I woke up full of positivity and we all bundled in the car on a freezing cold and stormy morning and headed to the beach for a little new years cleansing and to blow the cobwebs off. I do believe I was the only one excited about it, the looks of sheer horror I received at the mere idea of it and comments like “ughhhhh only you would suggest the beach on a day like today!” proved that! I know they enjoyed the exilheration in the end though and I definitely felt ready to kick 2018s butt.
The fear of going back to work on Tuesday started to soak in towards evening and the guilt of dragging my 3 year old from her cosy bed at 6am almost made me cry but I pushed through reminding myself of how great this year was going to be. I hadn’t had a cigarette in about 6 days at this stage so I had something to be proud of!
I started a quick 5 minute meditation practice on Tuesday morning. I have always dabbled in and out of trying to meditate and have found it helpful and if nothing else relaxing. I also began a 30 day new years yoga practice. Again, Its something I start every January but never make it past a few days.
Yoga, beautiful, amazing yoga. I can’t begin to find the words to tell you how much I gain from a quick session on the mat. Now please don’t mistake me for a typical yogi! I couldn’t be further from that – a smoker and generally not very fit I am completely unflexible, I really struggle to move into most poses and I can’t even touch my toes but in the short bursts of practice I have done over the years I have found more elation, joy and happiness than any other form of exercise. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it but try it for yourself and you will understand.
Friday came and I started to question everything! I don’t want to do this…What’s the point…Man, I need a drink!… Ah ha!!! Alcohol the root of all my days tension. It’s Friday and my typical routine would be to get home have dinner (usually a takeaway) and a few glasses of wine or whatever tipal tickled my fancy but as I am trying to be mindful and conscious I decided not to just have a drink for the sake of it…and this felt like a “just for the sake of it” moment!
I hadn’t even made it to the end of week one and I was finding myself panicking and stressing and ready to throw in the towel. A quick pep talk and a few “Be strong lady you got this!!” muttered under my breath soon got me back on track.
I got home and made a healthy dinner, chatted with my amazing family, had a glass of tonic water and before bed did my yoga practice. The evening was uneventful but there’s nothing wrong with that. My anxiety was for nothing. I didn’t need a drink, I am not an alcoholic after all – habit can be our biggest downfall. I am going to try mindful drinking and see how that goes!
I’m not sure what the rest of the weekend holds but Saturday morning snuggles with my little lady will always be my highlight!
Enjoy your weekend whatever your doing and wherever you are!